The book everyone knows but hasn't read yet

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Carnegie

You've probably heard about this book while scrolling your Instagram Reels captioned "list of book that will completely change your life" or with a #business tag. Perhaps you've even saved that video, considering you inspired by it, but most likely, life has come in your way and you haven't gotten the time to read it yet. I don't blame you at all, in fact I completely sympathise with you. This is why this year I will be diligently writing a summary of both Business and Self-Care books.

First in the list: How To Win Friends and Influenced People by Carnegie

Who is Carnegie?

Nah-uh! It isn't the second most rich man in the history of the United State who wrote this amazing book. 20th century self-development coach, writer and businessman Dale Carnegie wrote it in 1936 and other timeless books such as Stop Worrying and Start Living to even The Art of Public Speaking.

FUNDAMENETAL TECHNIQUES

The Forbidden Cs

"The truth shall set you free" John 8:32 , New Testament, The Bible

Most of us will agree with this verse of the Bible as it is ethical and contributes to growth, understanding and overall honesty and righteousness.

However, Dale Carnegie, identified a common reaction people have when confronted to the truth, more particularly to criticism. What he noticed was a feeling that does not discriminate as even the most influential and charismatic people in the world are susceptible it. The feeling I am talking about is the irrepressible need to justify one's self when being blamed for proven wrongdoings.

Adolf Hitler, when accused of having no human decency in his nazi ideologies and decision taking, rationalised by speaking of the love he held for his country and its people. By doing so, he managed to portray his quest as a necessity. To put it shortly he was in denial.

And that ladies and gentlemen, was another win for Godwin's law!

Criticism according to Carnegie is rather a bad way of confronting people despite their wrongdoings for the reason that they instinctively defend themselves and grow resentment.

This results in conversations of poor communication and a complete absence of solutions.

DO NOT CRITICISE!

Being in a position of authority or having an external point of view in some circumstances, provides the means to give insight, solutions, suggestions and also condemn. Despite the good intentions, these types of positions tend to makes us too comfortable.

Not only do we take pleasure in judging peoples actions because we have the possibility to do so, we also do it with no empathy.

Surely, multi-billionaire and accessorily richest man on earth, Elon Musk, needn't have to fire his Twitter employees, but what would we have done if put in his shoes? Is it reason enough to insult your sports teammate for not having passed the ball to you instead of shooting it in vain?

Carnegie's point here is to incentivise us to take a step back in all situations, and not be fast to condemn because of our condescending tendencies. Instead he encourages us to have sympathy and dare I say compassion. By adopting the other party's point of view, not only are we able to see their intentions we can see the obstacles they're facing as well. Only then we can help, encourage and give advice.

DO NOT CONDEMN

How do you feel when you're being scolded? Bad... very bad I suppose. Of course you do not mind being lectured in a thoughtful and respectful way. In fact, you even right your wrongs when you get correction from someone, right?

Dale Carnegie, warns us about complaining. Alongside with the two other Cs, complaining not only sets our mindset negatively (negative feelings), it also makes us say negative things. By saying bad things and finding faults in the other you are complaining.

DO NOT CRITICISE!

DO NOT CONDEMN!

DO NOT CONDEMN!

UNDERSTAND IN ORDER TO BE UNDERSTOOD

The most coveted thing a human being might have appart from necessities (food, water, hygiene) is the desire to be appreciated.

Once my family and I were invited by friends. My mother had helped out with the cooking and did it with her heart. Once we were served and after praying, the children of the family we were invited by said all together "Thank you mom and Catherine..." -let's call my mom Catherine- "... for this very nice food". I was shocked, and mostly I felt bad that I didn't value the time my mother spent cooking on the daily basis correctly but still expected and even asked for specific foods. Needless to say I started saying thank you and also took more initiatives when it came to cooking. Naturally my mother felt more appreciated and enjoyed cooking keeping in mind what I loved eating.

It is obvious that many people get where they want through flattery and that isn't what D. Carnegie is advocating for. The author makes a distinction between sincere appreciation and flattery. Appreciation should always be genuine! Then you can both help each other!!

APPRECIATION ISN'T JUST ABOUT YOU!

There was the first capsule for how to Win Friends and Influence People.